It has been over four years…

by Sahadev Komaragiri

Four-YearsTrue to my convictions I have been able to sustain myself with a life away from the cubicle nation for over four years now. I have been able to sustain myself with a minimal and yet contended life. I have not received a penny from anyone for any service of any kind and yet life is going on. I can now say that I am able to successfully set aside my earlier belief that I cannot survive without a paycheck.

Without any inhibitions I can now say that the best of my life in the last four years was the time I spent at the Nandigama school for over an year. It was tough dealing with the environment and yet at the end of the day talking to a few kids would make me forget everything. If I look back I tend to wonder if it was just a dream. I know it was not a dream whenever I receive a call from one of my students who are now pursuing their college degrees.

Staying in Prasanthi Nilayam for the next one year was a very special one. It was simply a dream of a different kind. Whenever I dreamt of a new life in India before returning to India I dreamt of working in a school or living a very engaging hermit’s life in an ashram. God gave me the experience of living both the dreams in my own flesh and blood in the first two years of my new life in India. Too bad He woke me up a little too early.

The change came in the form of a bolt from the blue, two years back, and I had to rush to Hyderabad to stay with my dad during his sunset years. It is tough to see a very strong man, who at one point appeared to be ready to take on a dozen lions at the same time, now crumble to live a desperate life in complete submission to the vagaries of his illness. I am seeing with my own eyes what old age can do to the best of the humans and how they cope with it. I am able to see the true meaning of the term vairagya.

Over the two years I can say that I have not achieved much. When I was in Nandigama or Prasanthi Nilayam there was no difference between my life and my work. Living in Hyderabad that too with an ailing parent and in the vicinity of all friends, relatives and family members is not easy. First it forced me to find the clear dark line that separates my passion from my personal life. I am finding it difficult to navigate my life around this line. There is a wide chasm between what I have designed for myself and what I am actually doing. During these times either my passion suffers or my relationships with my friends and relatives suffer. I am spending a lot of time in evaluating my life and its purpose. My meditation, long walks, writing, reading good books and listening to good music take me into other worlds where I feel most comfortable. I always wondered how our education system failed so miserably in preparing us for a life and all its realities.

I strongly believe that God does not give us anything that is impossible to handle. He, I think, is preparing us for a bigger cause that requires greater forbearance and strength, where and when, only He knows. I just surrender and keep chanting His name and His glory without getting my passion consumed by any extraneous circumstances. When God gives us a good life we don’t ask “why me?”, why should we ask that question in any other situation?

As for the silver lining I am there for my dad when he needed someone by his side in his golden age. I am finding new ways to convert the current “demilitarized zone” between work and life to a more “tranquil border” where my life and my passion are able to crisscross each other with ease.

I am getting better at it! 🙂

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Padma sekhar August 13, 2015 at 9:08 pm

Very glad to read ur post. Thank u for sharing. All the best for ur dreams


Sahadev Komaragiri August 14, 2015 at 12:28 pm

Thank you..


Bharadwaj August 14, 2015 at 12:29 am

Hi Sahadev, good to see your post after your while. Hope your dad is better.
I really admire your courage and conviction in doing the things you have in the last 5 years.
Hope sobha is well.
Take care and look forward to reading your future posts


Sahadev Komaragiri August 14, 2015 at 12:49 am

Thanks Bharadwaj. Hope things are going well with you all. When is the next big marathon?


Krishnapriya August 14, 2015 at 8:24 am

Sahadevgaru,thanx for sharing ….its very inspiring for me….since i think i am also facing some hurdles in my life(passion and work) and struggle for living in a different environment which i never thought of.thank u again and all the best for the good work that u and Shobha r doing for the society.


Sahadev Komaragiri August 14, 2015 at 12:21 pm

Krishnapriya garu, thanks for the message. We all have these dilemmas on a recurring basis. We just have to stay afloat..


Mangapati Rao August 21, 2015 at 8:20 am

Dear Sahadev, nice to see your post. I was indeed wondered long back when our brother named you Sahadev, who was supposed to be the wisest of the Pandavas. Sure, he had that forecast in his mind. He was not wrong.

I also feel the period of my working in Satyam Public School is more memorable than any thing else, just because we are connected to young innocent children. Working in the midst of young children makes one feel younger.

It is a great service you are doing to your aged father…we have seen him very strong over the years from our childhood. Maatru devo bgava..Pitru devo bhava..there is no great service than serving one’s own parents. GOD gives 100% marks for that…One gets Mukti from the wordly connections forever. God bless you. Pray for my brother’s good health in his last years.

I hope you will be able to fulfil your dreams in the coming years and you don’t need to regret on your past decissions. All the best.


Sahadev Komaragiri August 22, 2015 at 9:31 pm

Dear babai,
Thanks for all the kind words of encouragement. Such encouragement and support is invaluable.


Panduranga Rao B. September 29, 2015 at 1:55 pm

Dear Sahadev Garu ,
Thanks for sharing . It had been very touching . It however is very inspiring too . I am glad that I read it although very late . You can be a role model for many youngsters who hesitate to take the plunge despite their best intentions to pursue a passion of theirs .
Hope your dad is doing better . I can only pray to Swami to fulfill all your dreams . Sai bless …


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